I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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