I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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