um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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