I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
