Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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