We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize