His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
