we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
