My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
