We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
