Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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