I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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