I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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