is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
worst night to have a conscience
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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