Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
