Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
