oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
