If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
A bitchslap is in order.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
