It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize