I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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