Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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