I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
