after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
