he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
