i barfeds in our rink
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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