Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
