I looked at my own cervix.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
True strength comes from lack of pants
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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