Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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