I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
