Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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