I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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