So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
