so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
