It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm too high and old for this...
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