why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i barfeds in our rink
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dicks are not precious.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
