for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
