I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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