Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
