Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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