Sry I called you an 8
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
