We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
