White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
