Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
