Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
