He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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