I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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