nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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