Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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