I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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