Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
