please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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