Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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