i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
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