My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
