My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
