I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
it was like eating out sand paper
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
