I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
