the condom got lost in my hair
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
