That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my shit smells like andre
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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