I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
