Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
50% drunk capacity currently
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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