yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
