somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
