they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
