I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
