God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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